Who are the winners and losers of Girl Scout Cookie season?

It’s that time of year again. People look forward to it every year. Lots of money is spent and everyone has a favorite. Move over, March Madness, it’s Girl Scout Cookie season.

Yes, that time of year when the best cookies come out of hiding and grace us with their presence. When you’re actually happy someone rings your doorbell. When the arguments start about which flavor cookie is the best. For the record, the correct ranking of Girl Scout Cookies is:

# 1: Do Si Dos

#2 Samoas

#3 Tagalongs

#4 Thin Mints

#5 all the other flavors

As with any great season or event, it has its winners and losers. Let’s take a look at some of the biggest winners and losers of Girl Scout Cookie season.


WINNER: GROCERY STORE SHOPPERS

There’s no better surprise than having to go grocery shopping and seeing the table with the red, purple, green, and orange boxes out in front. You went in expecting to just run errands like you do every other day, but instead leave with boxes of cookies. A brilliant strategy by Girl Scouts. You either get people that are already looking to buy food or you get people that are hungry and decided to go pick up some food. It works out for everyone.

LOSER: IMITATION COOKIES

Let’s be clear, these cookies are always losers, but it gets amplified even more when it’s Girl Scout Cookie season. Keebler, in particular, with their imitation Thin Mints, Tagalongs and Samoas.1All of them have worse names too. Grasshopper. Coconut Dreams. No shot someone is leaving a grocery store with imitation cookies when they have the real deal available to them. When you come at the Queen, you best not miss.

LOSER: BAKE SALES

This is just bad luck, if you have a bake sale scheduled during Girl Scout Cookie season. To have to compete with the best cookies, when you’re selling mediocre home cooked baked goods, that’s a fight you aren’t going to win. You know everyone that has the choice is picking Girl Scout Cookies over a bake sale, or at they very least, using a majority of their funds with the Girl Scouts. Pack up the table and try again in a few months.

WINNER: ALL COOKIES

The forgotten dessert. They never get the respect they deserve until Girl Scout Cookie season begins. So many other desserts dominate the conversation all year long. This is the time when cookies take over and get the attention they deserve.

WINNER: SHORTBREAD COOKIES

The forgotten cookie. People willingly purchase shortbread cookies, and multiple types of them. It’s like the Girl Scouts pulled a She’s All That on shortbread cookies.

LOSER: DIETS

If your New Year’s resolution about losing weight made it this far, this is when it ends. There’s no way to avoid purchasing these cookies. You might as well go on the Girl Scout Cookie diet2Despite what you might think, this is not a real thing. and pick up your original diet once you’ve gone through your collection of cookies. Even if you hold strong and stick to your diet, you’re still losing because you aren’t able to enjoy these cookies.

LOSER: YOUR WALLET

This is a necessary loss, though.

WINNER: OFFICE WORKERS

Pretty similar to grocery store shoppers, office workers definitely pick up a W during Girl Scout Cookie season. Everyone always has at least one coworker that has a daughter in Girl Scouts that goes around and collects cookie orders for their child, making it easy to purchase them, without having to check where they are going to be sold. Not only that, some people will get their cookies delivered directly to the office, which increases the chances that even if you weren’t able to purchase boxes on your own, you could be offered some from your coworkers. Take it away, Kevin Malone.